New to self-care? Where to start!
You’ve heard about it, it sounds wishy-washy, you don’t need change, bla bla bla. But you know what? The way you’re feeling right now, isn’t good for you. In fact, it’s actually unkind. Years of acceptable criticisms and judgements have led us to become comfortable with making self-deprecating jokes. It’s considered socially acceptable. Go to any comedy club and see comedians making jokes about their own physical appearance to make the audience erupt in laughter. Self-deprecating jokes have been normalised, Negative opinions are meant to be seen as “constructive” and “helpful” rather than unsolicited and, to some extent, even abusive. Loving oneself, a concept so alien to people that it often gets misconstrued as arrogance, when in reality there is real strength in being able to be kind to yourself. In the words of Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”.
Self-care starts with being kind to yourself. Here’s a simple rule: If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend — don't say it to yourself. Would you tell your best friend that you hate their arms? Or that they are a failure? That they are not good enough? Or fat / skinny shame them? No. Because you love them and speaking to them like that would be cruel and abusive. But then why are you doing it to yourself? When you look in the mirror and you’re about to hate on yourself, stop for a second. Ask yourself, why am I being mean? Choose to be kind to yourself. Sure, we can all improve in some aspects of life, but being mean about it isn’t the way to approach it. Because standing alone in a bathroom should just be that. Don’t let hate get in there. You are a capable human being, alive, with the ability to love others — so start with yourself!
Some people enjoy positive affirmations, others (I see you!) often roll their eyes at the concept of it. But to build your self-esteem, you cannot depend on those around you to keep building you up and saying these things for you. You need to learn how to rely on yourself. Positive change starts with saying kind things to yourself, such as:
* I am a loving human being.
* I am a good friend.
* I can do this.
* I am worthy of love.
* I am worthy of happiness.
Granted, some people will find this easier than others. But being kind to yourself shouldn’t be such a weird thing. Let’s try it. Look in the mirror and say these things out loud to yourself. It will feel super silly at first. Uncomfortable even. But after a while, you will realise that all the things you are saying are true. And saying them out loud shouldn’t be weird at all. Following the rule from earlier, you would say these to your friend, therefore it is ok to also say them to yourself.
Taking responsibility for ourselves includes unravelling the years of societal pressures and judgements, telling us what is good and what looks good. This, the same society slowly changing the narrative and going along with the #bodypositivity movement because slowly the resistance has grown and the uprising is happening! People have had enough of being told they’re not good enough! Billboards with models that are no longer being photoshopped, more diversity in race representations and having the freedom to love who you want to love! What a time to be alive! But I digress - This is about you. This is about how to take care of yourself. So, without further ado:
The FOUR dimensions of self-care:
1. Physical
This is a given, but what I mean is to go beyond just the idea of fitness. Physical self-care means from head to toe. This can include getting a haircut, eating well, working out, stress management, sexual health, buying some skincare products and looking after your dental health.
To start, set one day a week to practise physical self-care:
* Stay on top of your health appointments.
* Create a skincare routine that makes you feel good.
* Book yourself in for a treatment (hair, massage, etc)
* Spend some time observing your body and looking after it.
2. Emotional
Emotional self-care is a little trickier, as it involves managing emotions and feelings and an awareness of your internal thought process. This is a little bit harder to get into but is arguably the most important form of self-care. It means actively working to reroute your thinking and creating an inner voice that is compassionate, kind and loving.
Here are some ways you can practice emotional self-care:
* Having a meaningful conversation with a friend
* Keeping a journal and reflecting on your day to day life
* Buying a plant, because looking after it will reduce your stress levels
* Consider attending therapy sessions to dismantle any long-term issues
3. Intellectual
Personal growth is an important element of self-care. You can’t be the best version of yourself if you aren’t constantly growing and evolving. You’ll feel stuck otherwise!
To avoid this feeling, try the following to practice intellectual self-care:
* Take an online course.
* Learn a new skill (ie: language, instrument)
* Attend a workshop to create something.
* Read a book on a topic you want to learn more about.
4. Social
As humans, social interaction is essential to every aspect of our health. Research shows that having a strong network of support encourages both emotional and physical health. Social self-care creates a connection that gives you a sense of belonging and love. If you haven’t got a strong network surrounding you yet, don’t worry — making friends is part of the process and often easier than you think.
Here are some ways to practice social self-care:
* Join a club doing something you enjoy (knitting, gaming, reading)
* Volunteer for a cause you care about and meet like-minded people
* Set a weekly walking date with a friend you like talking to.
* Schedule a monthly “catch up” date with friends you don’t see often.
There you go. Oh yeah and don’t forget to eat well and drink lots of water.
